Fatherhood109

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Post Abortion Trauma in Men Still Overlooked

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by C.T. Coyle, Ph.D.

Men and Abortion [More than thirty] years have passed since the legalization of abortion in the United States. In those years, numerous studies have documented the potential negative effects of abortion on women. The effects of abortion on men however have been largely ignored by both the scientific community and American society.

The few published studies concerning men suggest that, like women, men may experience grief (Raphael, 1983), anxiety, guilt, helplessness (Gordon & Kilpatrick, 1977), and anger (Shostak & McLouth, 1984). The unequal power distribution concerning abortion may intensify those emotions (Coleman & Nelson, 1998) and contribute to relationship failure (Milling, 1975; Shostak & McLouth, 1984). The fact that men tend to repress their emotions may also make it more difficult for them to resolve their grief (Rue, 1996).

Even men who support their partners’ abortion decisions may experience ambivalent feelings such as relief along with anxiety, anguish, grief, and guilt (Kero et al. 1999,). About half of the men interviewed by these authors reported that one year after the abortion occurred, they still had frequent (monthly) thoughts about it (Kero & Lalos, 2004).

A recent study by Lauzon et al. (2000) compared men and women involved in first-trimester abortions with a control group of men and women who had not experienced abortion. After the abortion, participants were given a follow-up questionnaire and “three weeks after the abortion, 41.7% of women and 30.9% of the men were still highly distressed,” (p. 2033). The authors concluded that “being involved in a first-trimester abortion can be highly distressing for both women and men,” (p. 2033).

The most comprehensive work pertaining to men and abortion was published by Shostak and McLouth (1984). These authors surveyed 1,000 men in 30 abortion clinics across the United States and followed up with post-abortion interviews involving 75 of those men. The persistence of occasional thoughts about the fetus was evident among the majority of post-abortion men interviewed. Of those men surveyed, 11% stated that they were opposed to their partners’ decision to abort and were described as experiencing a very profound sense of personal loss.

If Shostak and McLouth’s (1984) sample is representative of males in the United States, we may extrapolate in terms of current abortion statistics. Given that approximately 50 million abortions have been performed since its legalization in 1973, there may be as many as 5 million men who have been negatively affected by abortion. This inference may be too conservative since it is based only on the fact that 11% of men were opposed to abortion in the Shostak and McLouth (1984) study and does not account for many other men who may not experience or even be aware of negative effects until quite some time after the abortion. As men are not acknowledged by society as having any role in the abortion decision, they may be confused by the intensity of their emotions following abortion and/or unlikely to seek the help they need.

The effect of legalized abortion on children has been obvious with nearly fifty million children losing their lives before being born. The effects on women are well-documented and many clinicians are now aware of the existence of Post Abortion Syndrome (Speckhard & Rue, 1996) among women. The effects of abortion on men continue to be overlooked although the limited research strongly suggests that abortion may have detrimental effects on men. Abortion may contribute to a host of problems among men such as anger, helplessness, guilt, grief, relationship problems, sexual problems, risk-taking behaviors (e.g. substance abuse), sleep disturbances (e.g. nightmares), anniversary reactions, clinical depression, and confusion about masculinity.

This is unfortunate for both the men involved and for society as a whole as abortion has damaged the very fabric of our society. As children, mothers, and fathers are devalued, so too is the family, the foundational structure of a civilized society. It does not seem too far-reaching to suggest that abortion has sickened all of our culture. The symptoms seem obvious as men and women struggle with unresolved grief, families break down, and even living children wonder at the precariousness of their existence.

Catherine Coyle, author of Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing, earned her Ph.D. in Educational Psychology at the University of Wisconsin. She is a registered nurse and holds a master's degree in psychiatric nursing. Dr. Coyle is an associate of the International Forgiveness Institute and continues to pursue research in the areas of both forgiveness and post-abortive trauma among men. Her current research and information web site is The Alliance for Post-Abortion Research and Training.

Coleman, P.K. & Nelson, E.S. (1998). The quality of abortion decisions and college students’ reports of post-abortion emotional sequelae and abortion attitudes. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 17 (4), 425-442.

Gordon, R.A. & Kilpatrick, C. (1977). A program of group counseling for men who accompany women seeking legal abortions. Community Mental Health Journal, 13, 291-295.

Kero, A., Lalos, A., Hogberg, U. & Jacobsson, L. (1999). The male partner involved in legal abortion. Human Reproduction, 14 (10), 2669-2675.

Kero, A. & Lalos, A. (2000). Ambivalence – a logical response to legal abortion: A prospective study among women and men. Journal of Psychosomatic Obstetrics and Gynecology, 21, 81-91.

Kero, A. & Lalos, A. (2004). Reactions and reflections in men, 4 and 12 months post-abortion. Journal of Psychosomatic Obstetrics and Gynecology, 25, 135-143.

Lauzon, P., Roger-Achim, D., Achim, A. & Boyer, R. (2000). Emotional distress among couples involved in first-trimester induced abortions. Canadian Family Physician,46, 2033-2040.

Milling, E. (1975, April). The men who wait. Woman’s Life, 48-89, 69-71.

Raphael, B. (1983). The anatomy of bereavement. New York: Basic Books.

Rue, V.M. (1996). His abortion experience. Ethics and Medics, 21, 3-4.

Shostak, A. & McLouth, G. (1984). Men and abortion: Lessons, losses, and love. New York: Praeger.

Speckhard, A. C. & Rue, V.M. (1992). Postabortion syndrome: An emerging public health concern. Journal of Social Issues, 48, (3) 95-119.

Homebirth Dads: 10 Questions with Lome Aseron

It’s been quite some time since I’ve had a new post in the Homebirth Dads series, so I’m jazzed to share this latest one with you:

1. Why did you choose homebirth?

My wife Janine has a terrible fear of hospitals. She gets woozy if you just say the word “needle.” When we went on a tour of the birthing ward covered by insurance, she practically fainted. It was clear that she wouldn’t be comfortable giving birth in a hospital.

2. Whose idea was it, yours or hers? If hers, what convinced you to agree? If yours, what gave you the idea?

It was actually our Ob-Gyn’s idea. At one of our check-ups, Janine started to tear up when she heard that pre-delivery triage included inserting an IV in her hand. Interestingly enough, our Ob-Gyn refused to see us after we decided to have a homebirth. She deserves a lot of credit for transcending her own self-interest to recommend what she thought was best for Janine.

Given Janine’s reaction to hospitals, I didn’t take much convincing. And since she was going to do most of the heavy lifting, I didn’t see any reason to oppose her desire for a homebirth.

3. What homebirth books or resources did you find to be the most helpful?

During Janine’s second trimester, I read an article in Mothering by a mom who’d had a 45-minute labor using HypnoBirthing. We got the book and CD, which we fell asleep to every night for three months. Janine loved Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.

4. Before the birth, what fears or issues did you have surrounding homebirth (or birth in general)? How did those change for you after experiencing the birth?

I wanted to make sure we had a viable back-up plan in case things didn’t go smoothly at home. One of the many reasons why we chose our particular midwife was because of her ability to articulate how she would handle a hospital transfer. Witnessing Janine’s relief about having a homebirth and experiencing the level of care she received from the midwives eliminated a lot of concerns I’d had.

5. What do you wish someone had told you before your first homebirth? What advice would you give to a first time homebirth dad?

My first son came so quickly that neither the midwife nor doula made it in time, so I delivered him myself. It was an incredibly wonderful and harrowing experience. I would advise a first time homebirth dad to accept that birth is a journey driven more by the baby’s intent and will than anything you or your partner has done. The great thing about homebirths is that there is very little third-party intrusion, so you get to participate in the magic of birth in a very personal and intense way.

6. Which part of the birth did you find to be the most difficult or challenging for you?

For my first son, being the one delivering the baby out of necessity. For my second son, worrying that I would be the one delivering the baby out of necessity.

7. Did you have support during the birth from your guy friends? If so, what was the most supportive? If not, what would have helped you the most?

I only told a select few of my friends, male and female, that we were having a homebirth. I stand by that decision. Ultimately, you want an experience that’s as unaffected by other people as possible. So I would definitely recommend keeping it to yourself to the extent you’re comfortable doing so.

8. How was your interaction with the midwife during the birth? What could have made that better?

The best part of having a homebirth, other than having a baby, is working with a midwife. I can’t speak for all midwives, but ours were incredible. I’ve never seen care like that before. They were so attentive to Janine’s needs and fears, so committed to childbirth as an organic, natural process. For me, every visit was like stepping into a womb of loving expectancy where I was gestating as a father. Because we had an Ob-Gyn for the first two trimesters, we experienced both approaches. People who’ve never had a homebirth wouldn’t believe the difference in care a midwife provides. If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area, I highly recommend East Bay Homebirth Midwifery (www.eastbayhomebirth.com or 510-655-2229). Beah, Michelle, Nichole, and Ellah are absolutely fantastic.

With respect to what I would change, it’d be easy to say it would have been better if our midwife had been present, but the birth was absolutely perfect the way it was. The fact that Janine’s labor was so short (less than 4 hours for a first birth), is a testament to how comfortable and empowered she felt.

9. How has the relationship with your partner changed after having a homebirth together?

The bond of having a child together is heightened with a homebirth, because the experience is so unfiltered. We probably trust each other’s decisions in a way that we might not have if we’d had a hospital birth, because we were able to go by our own clock rather than having to follow someone else’s idea of how a birth should go.

10. Would you have another homebirth? Why or why not?

If we have more kids, we’re going to adopt. Homebirths are incredible, but I recommend that birth take place wherever the mother feels most comfortable. For us, that was home. Homebirth is a safe, viable alternative to a hospital birth. I suggest that expecting couples talk about their ideal birth. Just having the conversation about where to birth is valuable.

[Lome A. Aseron is the father of two amazing sons, Joaquin and Mico, and a husband to a magnificent wife, Janine. He tries to capture (hopefully with some success) the beauty and joy of fatherhood at NewDadforLife.com and LIFEclectic.com.]

Friday, September 23, 2011

Top Five Flexible Careers

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Family on balcony We talk a lot on the Fatherhood site about work-life balance and trying to find a career that allows fathers time to stay connected at home.? Business News Daily recently published an article highlighting the five most flexible careers for men and women seeking better work-life balance.?? Here is the list of the most flexible industries:

Medical and health Education and training Web and software developmentSales Administrative

In addition, the five most sought-after flexible careers from a time commitment perspective are:

Data entryWritingAdministrative EditingCustomer Service

Whether or not you are able to land a job in one of these flexible fields or industries, you still have to try to find ways to better balance the many demands of work, family, community and personal life.? Making a commitment to better work-life balance is a blessing for you and for your family.

Work-Life Balance Resources:

Image courtesy of Getty Images

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Monday, September 19, 2011

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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Why I do not want to talk the environment

Each time another man asks me, "so what you?" which plays conversation is in the same way.

I tell him I'm a writer, and he asks: "Oh, what you have written?" "Who is your Publisher?" If I say, "I mean own." I am a blogger "to change the look on his face from Wow, you can immediately in meh, (it is like I said," I am a Athlete…on of the company softball team. ")." And then comes the inevitable question, "what you have to write?" "I usually cover water, food, social justice, environment, activism, you know, the most pressing issues on the planet".

Large still continue.

And then I hear, "So, Bob, how about the game last night?" followed by a lively discussion about the best line of defense in the League, has, in which I smile weak and excuse me reason and walking out with some lame.

Sometimes I lead who wants into a guy toe to toe on specific environmental problems, and then I usually get to hear this dude some bullshit vomiting, they remembered the talking head tell recap on the news last night (before the game starts). Again, it's almost always the same.

It is strange. If "male" subjects such as sports, cars, or business, or what are discussing whatever I see usually a larger differences passionately. But with the environment, you are either "green", or you're not. They are either to save the whales, or are on the rights of the fishermen. You are now on cheap energy, or are you about investment in clean energy for the future.

If a man go toe to toe on an environmental issue, sometimes I want the challenge and offer my refutation, their - points to we, on the basis of facts and figures, science and data, taking into account the long-term impact of the problem.

And again, it is a large silent pause.

Now compare this scenario with a fictitious meeting me to talk smack to, that same random group of men of sport: "I can not believe, you guys spend so time observe much other men homoerotic mock battles, grunting and sweating and patted each other on their tights clad, beat ass over engineered."

Probably, you can almost see through followed by a heated debate as I simply don't get the steam from the ears, and perhaps even a summary of the studies about the positive aspects of sport or a pithy quote from a popular athlete or coach as is noble everything.

There is no lack of courage to defend it - or his favorite team or favorite player - and there is no shortage of facts and figures.

This is when I scratch my head. Why is a professional athlete record, or a team not poisoning which we drink air we breathe and the water and the food we eat statistics or the results of their next game, more important than talking about?

I know men who are environmental activists and fundraisers, journalists and biologists, green entrepreneurs and socially-conscious philanthropists. I know men, whose appearance on the contrary is outer - Cowboys and those embrace tree, to great lengths to preserve that and preserve our natural resources in their own way. And I know also unscrupulous business people, the all over "going green", as long as it saves them money.

But these guys environmentalists are for the most part, to much anxiety, as a capital E to fiery speeches, to convince their friends and colleagues, of which, how important are these questions is branded.

I see not many men ready to say "it's words, Vampire son" when it comes to the protection of our environment.

That leaves me questions why I ever do. It is all so much work, that talk about real-world issues and measures against them, try to educate themselves about the people, and to the questions that they think critically.

Maybe I should switch pages only.

F * ck environment, when will the game start?

[Note: this post was written as a tongue-in-cheek piece, and who I am sport or talks about them may attack.] I just wonder why we can get the same attention on the environment. [It was previously released on the good men project, and it has some quite passionate comments it.]

: Image agency motorways at Flickr

Saturday, September 17, 2011

European children and their online experience

Teen Girl on Computer A group in the United Kingdom EU kids recently called kids online activities and the risks that they take when online. ? the survey detected a very comprehensive overview of all children in Europe, the Internet, with the following statistics have been identified.

Sexual images on sites seen have in last 12 months - Norway highest at 34%, Denmark lowest 4% sent were highest at 14%, Italy and Portugal tied for lowest 2% angry or hurtful messages over the Internet in the past 12 months - Estonia) have seen or sexual messages over the Internet in the past received 12 months - Romania highest in 22 %Italien lowest 4% contact on the Internet have before ever not met face to face with someone - Estonia and Sweden for highest at 54%, bound Cypress lowest 14% ever gone to meet someone face to face, over the Internet met - Estonia is highest at lowest at 25%, Turkey 3% have encounter one or more types of potentially harmful user generated content in past 12 months - Czech Republic highest lowest at 43 %Frankreich 14% experienced one or more types of misuse of personal data in the past 12 months - Estonia highest 18%, Finland lowest 5%

Is a clear message to the fathers, we know our children's online activities and they know how safe online. ? to be to know how much you about your children's online activities this week?

More about family Internet safety:

Image courtesy of Digital Vision/Getty Images.

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With Awful Advice on Where to Look, A Good Man Is Hard To Find (As Is A Good Woman)

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Friday, September 16, 2011

Immer in eine tägliche Routine für Aufenthalt in Home Väter

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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Getting Into a Daily Routine For Stay at Home Dads

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Friday, September 9, 2011

Best of Snoop Dogg's Father Hood

BEST OF SNOOP DOGG'S FATHER HOOD V 1 - DVD Movie
Price: $14.98

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Golden Slumbers: A Fathers Love

Golden Slumbers - A Father's Love is a heartfelt collection of songs celebrating the bond between father and child.
The album features contributions from such Grammy Award winning and critically acclaimed artists such as Dave Matthews, Phil Collins, Michael McDonald, Smokey Robinson, Jon Secada, Carlos Ponce, Richard Marx, Buddy Jewell, Will Downing, Solomon Burke, Loudon Wainwright III and Kirk Whalum, with a special appearances by James Earl Jones (all dads).
Each artist contributed a song that they felt best expressed their own unique perspective on fatherhood. The result is a diverse mix of music that everyone can relate to.
In addition to providing a touching insight to the relationships between these artists and their children, a portion of proceeds from "Golden Slumbers: A Father's Love" will benefit the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), the nation's leading fatherhood organization, whose mission is to improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion who grow up with involved, responsible and committed fathers. The CD will also be released in conjunction with the NFI's annual Golden Dad's Project. The campaign, sponsored every Father's Day, is an event where celebrity dads reach out into the community and catch other dads doing something special with their children - from going to the zoo, taking a walk or going to the movies. This year the NFI plans to honor 2000 dads.
Price: $17.98

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Black & White Platinum Pack

'Black and White' and 'Black and White: Creature Isle' bundle.Black & White:In Black & White you can be the god you want to be. Will you rule with a fair hand making life better for your people? Or will you be evil and scare them into prayer and submission? No one can tell you which way to be. You as a god can play the game any way you choose. Find out who you really are. Black & White: Creature IsleBring your Black & White Creature to a completely new land where he'll face Trials foes and tests like never before. If he's got it in him and if you're good enough as well he'll make it into the fabled coveted Brotherhood. From that moment on he'll be different. He'll have more power. He'll be an elite and whether you keep playing with him on the Creature Isle or take him on-line everyone will know what he has become. System Requirements:Minimum: Mac OS 8.6 / Mac OS 10.1.3 PowerPC G3 333 MHz 128 MB RAM (with virtual memory set to at least 256 MB) Hardware accelerated 3D Graphics Card with 8 MB VRAM 500 MB free hard disk space Mouse and Keyboard Recommended: Mac OS 9.2.2 / Mac OS 10.2 or later PowerPC G3 500 MHz 256 MB RAM Hardware accelerated 3D Graphics Card with 32 MB VRAM 1 GB free hard disk spaceFormat: MAC 8.6-9.X (CLASSIC)X10.1 Genre: ENTERTAINMENT Rating: T - Teen UPC: 644247002436 Manufacturer No: 243
Price: $29.99

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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Baby Smarts Game

Overwhelmed by all those baby books? Pick a BabySmarts card and discover the fun way to learn more. Find out: What is colic? How many pounds do most women lose after giving birth? Are you more likely to snore when pregnant? Play at a baby shower, with friends or your partner. BabySmarts is edited by pediatrician and mother of four, Dr. Heidi Sallee, with the input of dozens of mothers, dads, and moms-to-be. Comes in a box with 60 cards.
Price: $12.99

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The Hand That Holds The Bread

Golden Slumbers - A Father's Love is a heartfelt collection of songs celebrating the bond between father and child.

The album features contributions from such Grammy Award winning and critically acclaimed artists such as Dave Matthews, Phil Collins, Michael McDonald, Smokey Robinson, Jon Secada, Carlos Ponce, Richard Marx, Buddy Jewell, Will Downing, Solomon Burke, Loudon Wainwright III and Kirk Whalum, with a special appearances by James Earl Jones (all dads).

Each artist contributed a song that they felt best expressed their own unique perspective on fatherhood. The result is a diverse mix of music that everyone can relate to.

In addition to providing a touching insight to the relationships between these artists and their children, a portion of proceeds from "Golden Slumbers: A Father's Love" will benefit the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI), the nation's leading fatherhood organization, whose mission is to improve the well-being of children by increasing the proportion who grow up with involved, responsible and committed fathers. The CD will also be released in conjunction with the NFI's annual Golden Dad's Project. The campaign, sponsored every Father's Day, is an event where celebrity dads reach out into the community and catch other dads doing something special with their children - from going to the zoo, taking a walk or going to the movies. This year the NFI plans to honor 2000 dads.

Price: $17.99

: Fatherhood stepfathers can law governed 'Father'

mens rights court Stepfather is also the father as the biological father paternity suits, things to Minnesota Court of appeals.

The Court ruled that the child's stepfather and biological father of the child should be both parties, if the legal presumption of paternity questions that will be decided to establish paternity and child support.

Edward L. Blackwell, the biological father was of Dakota County for back child support, sued, welfare, medical and other expenses in connection with the child.

Blackwell claimed that the man who was also married in the fatherhood as a "putative father" with the child mother should have named according to the Star Tribune.

He cited State law that says, "a woman man the"putative father"paternity procedures may be considered, also if he not biologically, the child of father, but had lived with him.",

The Star Tribune reported, was that his biological father of the child to Victoria Reily while she married John Reily Blackwell by genetic testing was born, confirmed.

The Dakota County suit moves now above, but with Blackwell and John Reily designated Contracting Parties.

Young people who live with their parents are not people.

While many Boomer men stuck in their faults seem, seem to many younger people in another, but just as dysfunctional warp, the parental fault. The fathers sons raised now in the twenties and thirties, them with little or no information about their own masculinity. The results were predictable.

Character is only through the top, built around the difficulties and challenges. No one ever character was developed simply because he was born in money or because he never left home. Young men, back in the homes of their parents from financial or other reasons move are not their challenges and people with little noticeable character are likely to be. This is unfortunate and unnecessary.

Too many young men are clueless about women, or how to be successful relationships. They know how to hook up, but doesn't mean that, you know, what looks like a real relationship. Sexual is not much of a fight for young people, but to make an emotional component, add in a relationship, remains a mystery. Life at home allow not much social development.

It could be helped who act a man actually looks like, but there were the most fathers have taught if instruction had fathers sons never either, their sons grew as free of a notion of masculinity, as.

Every time a father shares with me, that he again move his son in his native allows I to shudder thinking how this young man was arrested development. He is a backward move. He is like a man, wearing a diaper emotional.

It seems like it all for young people is falling apart, which useful lessons from dysfunctional dads have in vain waited. Instead of teaching, provided their sons as on its own, fathers move them back to her childhood bedroom. This will produce what kind of man? He will have a boy of emotional range and body of a man. It sounds like a horror film.

This alleged act of kindness is incredibly unfriendly. Fathers deal fears on their sons of coddling them instead of maintaining it. The difference is that men like to never in working men, grow, while the men, who maintained are ready, are on their own.

Fathers, who claim that she never could put her sons on the road, because they can find jobs or are affordable not live, forward or act as fathers seek care. You are not, pull the damage considering, which you can do on their sons. What is worse, a young man, who has flip burgers for a while and share an apartment with six other young boys or a young man who spends his days and nights in his boyhood bedroom a man pretend?

For twenty years, Solin helped men overcome problems to restrict their lives writer who taught Ken. Both men and women follow Ken, since his work first and foremost about relationships.

Ken's website, http://www.kensolin.com/ is filled blogs about the real problems.

It is a frank, gritty, 42 minutes TV pilot about men, which will surprise both men and women.

There are also excerpts from the book by Ken new, soon to be published book, eight members of the jury.

Dads: How to time the balance between work and your children?

The requirements for a father are now higher than ever before. Gone are the days, when a father could come from work, sit down in his La-Z-Boy and television, to relax from a busy day. Honestly, this is not a bad thing, but what has replaced the ritual, can be overwhelming. Now you have work by 17: 15, 17: 30-soccer practice to make that you are coaching to leave. According to practice is to grab dinner for the family of the fast-food-drive-through, eating in the car and rush home for homework, time and finally children bed time. The time that children are in bed, you are ready to reduce. Oh, but wait, you owe even your boss, progress report, which you stopped. Time, the computer boot.

Sound familiar? So the life of a father is father hyper involved today. Now I love don't get me wrong, time with my kids and wife. In fact, it is the climax of my life. I like my work and feel very driven to work a difference, and continue to make in my career. The push and pull of family and working life, leave you with one of them feeling guilty about not enough time. That is why work aware, to balance the two.

In general means leaving work directly on 05 at least twice a week you spend time with the children, for sports practice or play only with them in the yard. The other days of the week, I work a little later, but still make time for dinner with the family home. His house for dinner is very important for me, and if I have to write, after time, this is the children to bed to dinner a simple sacrifice a few e-Mails.

Best of all, I have a secret weapon when it comes to time with my children: the YMCA adventure guides program. Adventure guides is a program specifically for the father, and their children. You join other fathers and children, "Circle" and activities to strengthen the father/child bond. In my adventure guides program we meet a kind, such as creating a pine wood monthly for an activity Derby cars, do rocket launch or bowling. Of course, the highlight of the Adventure Guide, is that we at three camping trips per year. There is no better way for fathers to combine with their children and create memories that lasted a lifetime.

Today it is a resource such as adventure guides for your family life go-go enrich have awesome. Added it your time with your children a structure and planning your time, so that you have dedicated "Kid-dad time" on the calendar. It takes the stress of work a little late, work once or twice in the week or miss a T-ball game and know that you have time with your kids to get.

Finally, if you learn more about adventure guides interested, check out the adventure guides dad website please see: http://www.adventureguidesdad.com/.

Always a pious father

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I realize many men have made contributions to create such responses. There have been men who have left their wife and children to make it on their own. They have physically, emotionally, sexually, and financially abused their wives.

There have been women who have not been very angelic as well. But that is no reason for our society to put down and try to destroy what God has created. Men are necessary for our world and families today.

We dads have an extremely important role to play in the life of our children. Being a dad takes a major commitment. We must see ourselves spending time with our children not only because it is important but also because our role as a father before our children is critical to their wellbeing.

We men work hard at times improving our skills in a variety of areas in our life. We want to be better at our work, better in our investments, better at setting corporate performance, and even better at our hobbies. But when was the last time we bought a book or attended a class to help us improve our skills in fathering?

Please understand I do understand that too many of us are products of parents who believed children were the responsibility of mothers. But Dads, we must be connected to the daily operation of our families and to be able to clearly see the needs of our children. We cannot remain on the sidelines and expect mothers alone to raise our children.

Dads, we are extremely important to the spiritual and physical wellbeing of our homes. Mothers are extremely important as well. But when you have a loving, engaged, and spiritually committed father then you have the ingredients to have a godly home.

When you look back into the Old Testament you find an example of a father who was not Godly. It is good to learn from the mistakes of others as is the case of this Biblical example.

READ:
Genesis 13:1-13.
Genesis 19:26 "But his wife looked back behind him, and she became a pillar of salt."
Luke 17:32 "Remember Lot's wife."

When we look at Lot we automatically look at Lot's wife. Most sermons you have probably heard were about Lot's wife. But I want to start with Lot because I truly believe that the father, the husband, is the head of the home and what happens falls back on his leadership or lack of. I am sure you have heard the statement that everything rises and falls with leadership.

Since he is the leader/head of the home there are certain responsibilities that belong to him and he must be willing to fulfill them. When we go back to Lot, we see that he was lacking in the fundamentals that he needed as a father.

How did Lot get to where he was? What caused him to even consider going into Sodom? Let me add right here that our spiritual failure and downfall usually does not occur instantly. It is rather a process.

When Lot was in the negotiating stage with Abraham concerning which land to take there were several important considerations he failed to make.
He failed to look at the big picture of the consequences such a move would have.
He failed to consider the eternal over the immediate.
He failed to consider the importance of the spiritual over the material.

What attracted Lot to that area was: well watered plains and a popular modern city, great financial opportunities, opportunities for prestigious and influential positions, and politics.

Are these wrong in and of themselves? Of course not, however the determining factor is where you put your focus and place your priorities.

What caused his focus in life to go out of focus? What causes our fathers today to lose their proper focus?

I believe that Lot lacked five very important fundamental principles that affected his decisions. To be a godly father in our day we must have these five principles at work in our life and our homes.

So this article is a clarion call to all fathers, and young men who plan to be fathers, to open your heart to God today for His searchlight.
The first principle for us Dads is:

II. YOU MUST BE A MAN OF PRAYER

This is where you start, and this is where you end. Prayer is not optional. Prayer is an absolute necessity! We must make prayer our first priority before anything else. Prayer helps you become a spiritual man who then has the wisdom to do right.

Larry Crabb has said, "The key to becoming a more effective parent is to become an increasingly godly person."

We need to continue to pray with the Psalmist in 139:23-24 "23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Be quick to admit your mistakes and shortcomings. There are many things that a father should pray for:
A. Fathers must pray for individual direction.
God will never lead you where the grace of God cannot keep you.

Please, do not try to convince me that God will lead you to a place where the evil influence of Satan can destroy your children. I do not believe it.
B. Husbands must pray for their wife daily.

We must pray that she will be a godly wife and mother to model before our children. We must pray that she, the godly wife, will not follow the call of this present society of self promotion and pride, or immodesty.
C. We must pray for our children and for their companions or companions to be.

D. We must pray for our influence upon society. Remember people are watching you.

E. We must pray for our families, neighbors, government leaders, church leaders, missionaries, the lost, etc.

II. YOU MUST BE A MAN OF PURPOSE
What is your purpose in life?
What are some of your major goals in life?
What is it that makes you tick?
What motivates your life to action?
What are your plans for tomorrow?
What do you think about the most?
What do you plan to accomplish in life?

A. When you are man of godly purpose you would rather serve God rather than self.

B. A man of purpose will keep focused upon God's call for his life.

C. A man of purpose will remember which things are temporal and which things are eternal.

There is nothing wrong in meeting the material needs of your family. He that does not meet the needs of his family is worse than an infidel. But the material things are a part of the temporal.

Our ultimate purpose for life is to make sure the spiritual needs have been met in our family, our wife and children.

However, it is hard to have the right purpose if we are not given to prayer.

III. YOU MUST BE A MAN OF PRINCIPLES

We are to live by God's PRINCIPLES, HIS WORD, and THE BIBLE.

A man of principles will live by certain guide-lines not by how he always feels or by how the world feels. Being a man of principles dictates how we live in the real work a day world.

In the 1990's the "Leaning Tower of Pisa" was finally reopened to the public, after having been closed for several years. During that time, engineers completed a 25 million dollar renovation project designed to stabilize the tower. They removed 110 tons of dirt, and reduced its famous lean by about sixteen inches.

Why was this necessary? Because the tower had been tilting further and further away from vertical for hundreds of years, to the point that the top of the 185-foot tower was seventeen feet further south than the bottom, and Italian authorities were concerned that if nothing was done, it would soon collapse.

What was the problem? Was it bad design, poor workmanship or an inferior grade of marble? No.

The problem was what was underneath. The tower was built on the shifting sands of a former estuary. The soil was not stable enough to support a monument of this size. The tower had no firm foundation.

What rules do you follow for life? A man who lives by godly principles will do the right thing when confronted, even if no one is looking.

When you are committed to living by principles then you want to do the right thing.

IV. YOU MUST BE A MAN COMMITTED TO PARENTING
It has been a sad day since some thought it was up to the mother to teach and train the children. I know the father goes out and works and brings home the bacon, but parenting is a joint effort with man placed as head of the home by God.

Lot forgot parenting when he did not teach his children how to serve and worship God.

Lot forgot parenting when he did not teach his daughters to choose a godly companion.
Have you taught your children to choose?

Dr. S.D. Herron once said, "We must teach our children how to live not to just make a living."

Too often as dads we: Invest our sons with marketplace competence, but not with moral conviction. We help our sons to become socially successful, but not spiritually significant. We give our sons good things but not the best things. (Robert Lewis in Raising a Modern-Day Knight)

Howard Hendricks said, "My greatest fear for you is not that you will fail but that you will succeed in doing the wrong thing."

We must teach our children how to work.
We must teach our children how to dress modestly.
We must teach our children how to go to church.

We must teach our children how to help others.
We must teach our children how to serve others.
We must teach our children how to stand alone for right.

Sometime we fathers feel like a failure but don't give up. The next time you feel like God can't use you, just remember:

Noah was a drunk; Abraham was too old;
Isaac was a daydreamer; Jacob was a liar;
Leah was ugly; Joseph was abused;
Moses had a stuttering problem;
Gideon was afraid;
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer;
Rahab was a prostitute;
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young;
David had an affair and was a murderer;
Elijah was suicidal; Isaiah preached naked;
Jonah ran from God; Naomi was a widow;
Job went bankrupt; John the Baptist ate bugs;
Peter denied Christ;
The Disciples fell asleep while praying;
Martha worried about everything;
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once;
Zaccheus was too small;
Paul was too religious and a persecutor of Christians;
Timothy had an ulcer... and Lazarus was dead!

No more excuses. God can use you to your full potential. Besides you aren't the message, you are just the messenger. Seize the moment, correct the course while you can, determine to be the man of God He has called you to be.

THE INVESTMENTS MADE FOR YOUR FAMILY SPIRITUALLY IN THIS LIFE PROVIDE DIVIDENDS THAT ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD.

V. YOU MUST BE A MAN OF PRACTICE

Practice what you preach; your family is following you. Somehow we have the idea that if we do something that may not be quite right, our children will not follow us but will do it right.

The things you want your children to do YOU MUST PRACTICE THEM YOURSELF.

If you want them to be honest then you must be honest.If you want them to love God, they must know you love God.If you want them to go to church, Sunday school, revival meetings, midweek prayer meetings? Then you better go.

What Lot practiced had a dramatic eternal impact on his wife and children.

BE A MAN OF PRACTICE!!

In the NY Times there was an article on affluent families on Long Island whose sons got in trouble with the law.

They were involved in drunkenness, crashing parties, stealing, etc. They interviewed the sons of these parents and almost all of the sons said their parents told them what was right. They knew right from wrong. But in almost everyone interviewed they said they watched their fathers cut corners, cheat on income tax, talk about their shady deals and the fact that they got away with it.

The columnist in the NY Times who was probably not very religious concluded; that after interviewing those sons, "What their father said was not nearly as important as what their father did."

Too often people will do right when they feel good. But I am here to tell you do right and then you will feel good.

CONCLUSION:

ARE YOU COMMITTED TO BEING A GODLY FATHER?

As we make this commitment we must allow God to shape our lives into the godly model He wants our children to follow.

In order for us to do this we must remember two things that God manifests toward us.

1. Unconditional love
2. Uncompromising commitment to help our children grow to full spiritual maturity.

Remember this verse of Scripture from Psalm 127:1,"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." It takes godly fathers, committed to God, dependent upon God, and partners with God to build a godly home. http://www.crisisfamilycare.com

Bernard (Butch) Heath has served as Minister of Family Life at Hobe Sound Bible Church in Hobe Sound, Florida, for 13 years. His education includes a B.A. in Biblical Education from Hobe Sound Bible College, a M.A. in Pastoral Studies from Bob Jones University, and he is nearing completion of his Ph.D. from Trinity Theological Seminary.

He has pastored for many years and has a heart to help families, and many years of pastoral counseling experience. He has held marriage seminars and conferences in many states and other countries including Russia, Grand Cayman, Mexico, Honduras and Haiti.

He is the owner of Crisis Family Care, Inc. which is a non-profit business dedicated to helping families in need. Crisis Family Care, Inc. offers Free Marriage Counseling, Free Marriage Enrichment Seminars, Marriage Seminars for Download and many other resources for your marriage in crisis or marriage that needs help.

Bernard Heath
SE Bridge Rd.
Hobe Sound, FL 33455
(772) 263-2457
http://www.crisisfamilycare.com/

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Wallmonkeys Peel and Stick Wall Graphic - Human Fetus

WallMonkeys wall graphics are printed on the highest quality re-positionable, self-adhesive fabric paper. Each order is printed in-house and on-demand. WallMonkeys uses premium materials & state-of-the-art production technologies. Our white fabric material is superior to vinyl decals. You can literally see and feel the difference. Our wall graphics apply in minutes and won't damage your paint or leave any mess. PLEASE double check the size of the image you are ordering prior to clicking the 'ADD TO CART' button. Our graphics are offered in a variety of sizes and prices.

WallMonkeys are intended for indoor use only.

Printed on-demand in the United States Your order will ship within 3 business days, often sooner. Some orders require the full 3 days to allow dark colors and inks to fully dry prior to shipping. Quality is worth waiting an extra day for!

Removable and will not leave a mark on your walls.

'Fotolia' trademark will be removed when printed.

Our catalog of over 10 million images is perfect for virtually any use: school projects, trade shows, teachers classrooms, colleges, nurseries, college dorms, event planners, and corporations of all size.

Price:

Remains To Be Seen

After I Spy and before The Cosby Show, Bill Cosby left his own inimitable mark on the arena of stand-up comedy in this live concert showcasing his down-to-earth observations on the rigors and joys of family life. Cosby, using only a microphone and a chair, discusses his take on raising kids and the illogical nature of children and the futility of trying to argue with a child that in the end may be smarter than you. Notable highlights include Cosby's ruminations on the meaning of the all-purpose phrase "I don't know" to kids, and Cosby describing the effect raising children has on his wife Camille's mental state and the pitch of her voice. Containing the basis for the humor of his long-running situation comedy, Bill Cosby: Himself is a polished, occasionally insightful, and frequently hilarious night of comedy from one of the longtime masters of the form. --Robert Lane

Price:

Father's Footsteps Art Poster PRINT Beverly Lopez 8x10

Title: Father's Footsteps. Artist: Beverly Lopez. Image Size: 7.66in. x 9.72in. Paper Size: 8.00in. x 10.00in. Art Poster PRINT-Price: Click here to buy from Amazon

Bill Cosby, Himself [VHS]

Price: $6.98

Wallmonkeys Peel and Stick Wall Graphic - Pregnancy

WallMonkeys are intended for indoor use only.

Removable and will not leave a mark on your walls.

'Fotolia' trademark will be removed when printed.

Price:

Eat Drink Man Woman

Price:

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Wallmonkeys Peel and Stick Wall Graphic - Man Feeds Baby

WallMonkeys are intended for indoor use only.

Removable and will not leave a mark on your walls.

'Fotolia' trademark will be removed when printed.

Price:

Fatherhood Carsters - Coasters for Your Car

Carsters are absorbent Coasters for your Car, SUV, Van, and truck, They are absorbent ceramic coasters that will soak up those annoying drips from drinks placed in your vechicle cup holder. Each package come with TWO identical coasters so you will have one for each cup holder. They have two fingertip grips for easy removal. With our hundreds of styles, including Collegiate and Nascar, you are sure to find the Carster that fits your mood. Carsters are the perfect accessory for people who take pride in their vehicle.

Price: $6.99

Bill Cosby, Himself

Price: $14.98

fatherhood quote cuff links

Thank dad for a lifetime of love. These polished stainless-steel cuff links are handsomely and discreetly etched with a quote inspired by Abraham Lincoln, "All that I am and all that I hope to be I owe to you." The 3/4"" sq. links feature a slightly convex surface and bullet backs. Exclusively from RedEnvelope.

Price:

Daddy's Tool Bag

This 45-minute video is
entertaining, yet full of sound advice, in a format reminiscent
of Dad's favorite "How To" home improvement shows. It's
packed with information on caring for a new baby including
diapering, bathing, car seat safety, nasal aspiration,
fingernail clipping, bottles and burping, and more!

Price:

Remains To Be Seen [HD]

Price:

Monday, September 5, 2011

FitAndBusyDad 75% Commission!!!

Fat Loss specifically for Untapped "busy Dad" Market. Written by Top Trainer & Maximum Fitness Advisory Board Member Chris Lopez. Awesome conversion!

Better Behavior Wheel Parenting Tool

Experience the Thrill of Well Behaved Kids Overnight with this One-Of-A-Kind, Powerful New Parenting Tool. Its worked for thousands of grateful parents and we guarantee it will work for you as well.

Men After Divorce - Divorce Recovery for Guys

Help men devestated by divorce to rebuild their lives and be free of depression, anger, guilt, and other issues arising from this experience. Focuses on healing emotional pain and providing a framework to deal with any of lifes problems that come after!

FitAndBusyDad 75% Commission!!!

Fat Loss specifically for Untapped "busy Dad" Market. Written by Top Trainer & Maximum Fitness Advisory Board Member Chris Lopez. Awesome conversion!

"Any Novel" Novel Study Guide

A unique homeschooling novel study guide that lets homeschoolers study Any novel, without needing to purchase individual guides! Helps grades 6-12 analyze character, plot, setting and theme using writing exercises, maps, charts, art projects, and more!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Bad Dad: 10 Keys To Regaining Trust

Learn The Secrets Of Transforming From A Bad Dad To A Loving And Supportive Father, Welcomed Into The Kids Lives.